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Jul 05 2014

Not Even When You Think She’s Promiscuous

So let me just preface this by saying, I don’t like to be on Facebook to argue about horribly, morally wrong things. I like to be on Facebook to read what people are up to and correct their grammatical errors. This following post is about something that had me fuming to the point where I couldn’t correct all the horror in their grammar and had to feel absolute sorrow for the victim involved. Please be aware there may be strong adult language and opinions in this article. And it’s going to be long. But please read, because it’s so worth it.

A few weeks ago Nick posted something on my blog in regard to his disdain at what happened with a girl getting slut-shamed all over Twitter. (If you haven’t, please read it, Nick’s is very eloquent.) I didn’t expect I’d be having to do something like this so soon after. But in a recent event in my hometown, there’s a lot of Facebook chatter over a court decision about a statutory rape case. Read that again in case you missed the second-to-last word. So in this instance your first, moral thought should always be along the lines of, “Oh man, so many bad people out there, that poor victim.” Your first thought should never, ever be to assume that it was a male attacker and female victim and it should NEVER EVER occur to you to wonder if this victim was promiscuous or if she asked for it.

But then this happened, when relatives & friends of the alleged rapist had words to say about the situation. If you want to read the link about the news story that started the thread, please go here.

So, the first commenter is a family member of the accused. She seems fairly innocent in the entirety of the conversation. In fact, not only does she not come back to comment again, her only plea is that the family of the accused stop being harassed. Seems admirable. It’s that third comment, by “Breanna” that gets the pot stirring. And hurts my heart deeply. She implies with that one sentence that the victim of the case is promiscuous. 
When the Myrna chimes in, she doesn’t say anything in regards to the victim, just that the adult accused should not have behave that way. By the way, to be clear, the case happened when the girl was 13 and the guy 23. Myrna is simply using “18” to imply that he was “of age.” Breanna comes back again, suggesting the victim was premeditating her OWN rape. Then a few comments later, Breanna reiterates that the case wasn’t rape, because the victim wanted it. Remember, statutory rape is defined when a person of consentual age has sex with someone who is not of the age of consent. In fact, the victim wasn’t even of an age of sexual maturity. In a case determined to be statutory rape, it is also determined that the victim did NOT have the psychological capability of making a decision to have sex. Period. And then…

At this point, they’re still stating the victim here is at fault, didn’t deny the sexual act, and asked for it. And also, here’s where the people attempting to defend the victim, start getting really attacked. Tanner, in the middle, tells Myrna to stop arguing, tells Keith that the victim asked for it. Tanner then states that “everyone makes bad choices.” Yes, you’re right T, but when an adult makes a bad choice, he must take responsibility. (I should note here, the accused DID take a guilty plea, so he is taking some responsibility. Remember, this post started with a family member asking to no be harassed.)
The victim continues to be defended by Myrna, who continues to be harassed for it. In the end, she seems to be trying to take it with a smile. But that doesn’t mean she’s okay with it. And Rebecca, oh Rebecca. Girls at 13 aren’t sexually mature no matter how many babies she’s had. Times have changed because people have sexualized young girls, not because young girls have become innately sexual. Pubescence is defined as being between the ages of 11-14 and experiencing puberty. Prior to the completion of puberty (14-16,) a person is not completely sexually developed. 
And the end poster is obviously disgusted with it, starts off by just trying to calm the situation, but then suggests we air others dirty laundry on Facebook. What irks me about this is the fact that Mr.Wickham is part of a public court case. His privacy is not being aired all over Facebook. It’s being aired in a public domain because it is a public, legal case.
As if all this wasn’t bad enough, Myrna starts getting attacked on another thread. At this point in order to be clear again, Myrna is my mother. She’s a strongly opinionated woman, a good and moral mother, and while she was deeply harassed during a thread regarding non-harassment, she’s going to be just fine. Keith is her son, my oldest brother. But when another Facebook friend commend her and Keith for their opinions, they were responded to with harassment once again. You just can’t win.

So, the conversation starts off really mild. Again, people are disturbed by the events that took place. And then that third comment there decides to personally attack Myrna. Let’s note here. Remember Jessica from the first string? She is either the sister or cousin of the accused (Mr. Wickham.) She’s a family member that just wants to not be harassed. Andy here, is Jessica’s spouse. He takes it upon himself to instead start harassing people who have nothing to do with the case except have an opinion.

Justin, the person he’s talking about is my brother. I don’t talk to Justin, but it might be clear why. He’s not a terribly nice guy. But, in his defense, he’s never committed this type of crime and suspect he probably wouldn’t. But what do I know? Well, what I do know is that if he did, my family would be the first to tell him “Dude, that was a bad decision, I can’t support that.” Which is when I piped in. By the way, at this point I had no idea what had occurred in that first thread of comments. Keith quickly clears it up. Andy then continues to berate Justin, ignores the fact that the Wickham case is a public one the concerns the community, and makes terrible grammatical errors. The grammar is all I wanted to call him out on. But instead decided I had something far less tame to say. All of this before I had even read the other thread.

To recap. I’m not annoyed because people were harassing my mother. I’m not annoyed that people were harassing my brother (who wasn’t even part of the conversation.) What I’m bothered by is the fact that everyone seems to think this thirteen year old girl was “asking for it,” “acts” like she wants it, and should be “blamed” for this occurrence. Let’s get this straight right now. Rape is rape. Rape is never asked for. Rape is never consensual (meaning: involving consent: giving permission for something to happen.) Rape is never the victim’s fault. Rape is never because what the victim wore on her/his body. Rape should always be punished. And guess what, Statutory Rape is Rape. Even when a pubescent girl tells another person “yes.” Because you can’t be responsible for a sexual act when your body isn’t sexually mature. Ever. And you should never slut shame anyone. You’re just adding to the problem of rape in our society. Knock it off.
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And now, because I googled lots of crappy stuff so that I could talk about my opinions, I’m probably going to have the police showing up. You’re welcome.

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1 comment

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  1. Myrna Roosdett

    THANK YOU! LOVE YOU!

  1. Long Drive, Long Week - Everything Isn't Normal

    […] « Not Even When You Think She’s Promiscuous […]

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